After 13 years...Miscarriage

Miscarriage ...

Let me start by saying, this writing has been a long time coming and I'm finally able to see this on paper. I didn't even know what it was until years later. I was 17 years old, living with my bf (boyfriend) who is know my Dear Husband (DH) I was late for my period and thought I was pregnant. So he went out and bought an HPT. I don't know what kind it was or how sensitive. Heck I don't even think I read it right. I tested and remember it being negative. But back then I would have considered a light second line negative because I thought it had to be as dark as the control line. DOH I was 17. So I threw out the test and about 2 weeks later got what I thought was AF (Aunt Flow). I didn't even know I was m/cing!!! It makes me so sad to look back know and know now what happened so long ago and now I morn I remember having really bad cramps and sitting on the toilet bleeding really bad. I passed a few grey/blue clots and was totally freaked out because I thought I was dieing. I called in a girlfriend and asked her if she even had a period like that. I told her what I was passing. She thought I was crazy and said she never had a period like that. The heavy bleeding and clots lasted about 2 days and then it was like my normal period but I bled for a few days longer. That "period" stuck in my mind for a long time. I got married... got the internet and started researching online about m/c's. I always knew there was something wrong then and now I know I had a miscarriage. To this day Arthur will not come to terms with it. I have and I still grieve. I grieve because It happened and I didn't even know what it was until years later & I grieve because I was living a sinful life, maybe if I hadn't been living such a horid life my baby would be alive. I was about 6-7 week along and miscarried naturally. I passed about 4-5 bluish gray clots, a ton of red blood clots. Bleeding was about 7-8 days, no drugs or D&C. I bled for 7-8 days. My baby is in Jesus arms. "Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not for such is the kingdom of heaven" About 40% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, most of those before a pregnancy test is even taken....