Its different now :)

Well I have been MIA for a while and there is many reasons why. Let me tell you. A few months ago we got the stomach virus and we got it bad. For days we threw up, I mean power chucked and dry heaved. Then we never felt good for weeks after. I really never felt right after being sick. So I still had some stomach trouble. Then I started getting this really bad chest pain. I was afraid. I was so scared when it would happen that I thought I was going to die. A few times I was in pain and I was worrying so much that I puked and got panic attacks. I was really losing my mind. Well it just was getting worse. I would be in the store and feel even just a little pain and think here we go again, then I would have a massive panic attack. Heart palpitations, stomach pain, numb extremities, feeling of passing out and way more. I decided that it might be reflux so I put myself on omeprizole 20mg. Finally after Christmas the crap hit the fan. One day I just started panicking for no reason at all. I kept feeling like bad things were going to happen. I ended up in the hospital on Dec 29th. I tried desperately to describe what I was thinking how I was feeling and wondering if I was sane anymore. They gave me a Valium 5mg (wow how relaxing was that!) and ran some BW. Dr was thinking it was PPD, after he asked how old M was he decided it wasn’t (hind sight 20/20, I’m almost sure some of it was). Arthur was there talking with me and I was telling him all my fears. Finally after searching my heart I found out my biggest problem. I was not sure of my salvation. I had been lieing to myself for years and my pride was overcoming me. I cried out to God and asked him to forgive me for the things I had done and my pride, That night I gave him my life and I never want it to change. I went from having to control everything and worrying if I couldn’t to letting God have the control. I don’t have to carry all the burdens anymore. I can read my Bible now with an understanding and I am sure that when I die I will be in heaven with my savior. I was discharge from the Hospital and was told that I should take 5-10 mg Valium every 4-6 hours as needed. I have done a lot of praying and I have read my Bible every day. I am happy to say that God has taken a lot of the anxiety from me. Some days I have to just give my worries to God. I have been doing a lot more with my Hubby and family and am so happy to be with them. I gave God all the anger that I was carrying, toward anyone and everyone. I don’t want to be angry, upset, worried anymore and with God’s help I won’t be. I have only had to take 1 pill since being in the hospital and that was 2 days later. I have had nothing since. Praise God. I went to my Dr last week and he went over my issues. He said my BW said that my thyroid was off and my potassium was low. I have more BW to do at the end of the month. He wants to check my thyroid again. Also said that some might be slight PPD and anxiety. He also said that he is sure I have reflux issues and put me on 40mg of Omeprizole , 1000 Omega 3, Super B complex vitamins and multi vit every day. The reflux meds he said I should be able to wean off in a few months, I may have done damage to my stomach when I was throwing up so hard. I have to see him in 4 weeks. I really feel almost back to normal but very much better. I told my Dr about getting saved and he said getting that straightened out with God was a great thing and that can only help. He said that I am not losing my mind and I can get past this. He was also encouraging to have more kids if we wish and I thought that I would never have anymore because of these problems. So I have been doing a lot more, Getting out of the house, taking my vitamins, praying, reading my Bible, cooking, cleaning. Trying not to feel UN-important.